Jan Fishler

Author and Happiness Coach

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The Importance of Self-Care for Women

By Janfishler Leave a Comment

The Importance of Self-Care for Women

Take a dip in the pool at the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat

In July, my good friend turned seventy. Celebrating this milestone was important to her so to commemorate this auspicious occasion, we (four of her girlfriends) took her to Reno for a spa day and night out at the Peppermill Hotel and Casino. It was the perfect day: Massage, pedicure, steam, sauna, hot tub and pool followed by a fabulous meal. We spent the night in a room with a view and before heading home we stopped to do for some shopping. Cindy Lauper was right, “Girls just wanna have fun!” And we did.

More than just fun, for me, the getaway was a reminder about the importance of self-care. Many women are so busy taking care of and orchestrating for others that we often forget to make time to take care of ourselves. Women often put ourselves at the bottom of the to do list.

Of course, there are exceptions. We all know women who are always on the go, doing something extraordinary, and putting themselves first. It’s easy to envy them, but perhaps it would be better to consider them role models. While we’re silently supporting, taking care of, and nurturing our children, spouses, partners, friends, and co-workers—many times without being acknowledged for our effort—they’re taking care of themselves.

Some of us care for others willingly. Others do it with resentment. And then there are those of us who don’t even realize that we’ve given up the parts of ourselves that make us shine. The truth: Regardless of our circumstances, it’s our responsibility to speak out, step up, and take care of ourselves.

But how?

I’d like to suggest that those of us who have stood in the shadows make a conscious decision right now to step towards the light. It might mean taking baby steps. It’s going to be different for each of us. And it means changing our habits and taking action.

Take Action

Maybe you need to sign up for the art class at the local community college. Perhaps it’s time you get the raise you deserve or look for a better job. Or stop complaining about the extra 10 or 20 pounds you want to lose and start going to Weight Watchers or stop eating sugar. Do you need to tell your adult kid that it’s time to move on and out? Would you benefit from fifteen minutes of morning meditation? Is it time to write that book you’ve been thinking about? How about making every Saturday or Sunday your special day—a day you decide how it’s going to be.

Another option is to sign up for a workshop or retreat. Workshops and retreats are an opportunity to change your routine and experience something new and different in the company of like-minded people.

A couple of years ago, I decided that I would get out of town every other month. That year I took weekend workshops in Sacramento, Santa Cruz, San Francisco, and Phoenix. Not only did I change the scenery, but I made new friends, learned something new, had a lot of fun, and became motivated to take action to host my own events.

Upcoming retreat

In fact,  I’m currently co-hosting a retreat for women with Beth Nelson, yoga instructor and Life Purpose Clarity Coach, who I met during one of these events!

Realizing the importance of self-care, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat that Beth and I are co-hosting is in a beautiful, calm location (Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel CA) and is especially for mid-life women who want to rest, reflect, and reset. It’s an opportunity to walk  through nature, experience guided meditation, journal, enjoy delicious vegetarian meals, and take a sauna or a dip in the pool.

Most of all, it’s a chance for women to spend the weekend of October 25-27, 2019 loving and nurturing themselves in a supportive and beautiful environment.

For many, the Ignited Women Weekend Retreat will be the catalyst for deep and lasting change.  If self-care is on your agenda, we hope you’ll join us.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Commentary on Writing and Life Tagged With: action, Land of Medicine Buddha, retreat, self-care, women, womensretreats

Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

By Janfishler Leave a Comment

Weeding the Garden, Cleaning My Office, and Finding Inspiration from Marie Kondo

Let me begin by saying that I’m not a gardener. That job belongs to my husband who spends as much time as possible in the yard. But gardens and weeds are a great metaphor for the junk we all collect. I know, it’s never anyone’s intention to end up with a drawer or basket full of useless stuff. It just happens over time. For example, here’s what’s in the drawer that’s closest to my computer desk: Pens, pencils, crayons, paperclips, power cords, thumb drives, sticky notes, pennies, nickels, dimes, gum, gum wrappers, hard candy, hard candy wrappers, old check books and check registers, glitter, double-sided sticky tape, extra headsets, stamps, CDs, and product warranties. I even found a dried-up bottle of white out!

Why am I bringing this up?

This past summer, inspired by Marie Kondo, I decided to go through every cabinet and closet in my house and weed out the non-essentials—everything that doesn’t “spark joy” or have a use. Fortunately, my house isn’t that big and I’m not much of a collector, but the process has been enlightening because it’s brought up interesting and unexpected feelings.

My mother, who was a child during the depression, saved everything. We even reused paper napkins! After she died, I tossed out hundreds of plastic cottage cheese containers, forks, knives, and spoons and an equal number of those aluminum containers from TV dinners. For me, throwing those things away was liberating, but I also felt guilty. My logical mind and my subconscious programming were in conflict. Truth be told, if she weren’t already dead, seeing me toss all those useful items would have killed my mother!

Meanwhile, back at the current ranch…some drawers, cupboards and closets were easier to deal with than others. Getting rid of clothes from my bedroom closet was a piece of cake. I recruited my fashionista friend to help me. If it didn’t fit, was out of date, or just plain ugly, it went to the Goodwill pile. Cleaning out the fridge was a no-brainer—anything out of date went into the compost bin or the trash. Kitchen cabinets were also simple. I pulled everything out—dishes, pots and pans, and glasses—and separated items into keep and items to donate. The donate pile disappeared that day. The medicine chest, which only stocked cold meds and cough syrup, was also easy.

My office was the real challenge.

Do I really need my grandfather’s gold letter opener (yes), or the orange stapler my friend gave me when I started my own business in 1984 (absolutely), or 5 headsets (maybe)? What about the envelop full of old stamps (they’re worth something) or the miscellaneous power cords (I might need them)? What about all those books!

How long do I need to keep tax records? What about the floppy discs from the Mac computer I bought 34 years ago? No, I don’t still have the computer. And what about the file cabinets full of drafts, client projects, and medical and shot records for kids that are now adults?

Amidst confusion and despair, with the insight of a Buddhist Monk, the solution arrived. I packed everything I couldn’t part with and anything I thought I should keep into a three 4-drawer, ugly, beige, metal file cabinets and squeezed them into the corner of the garage. Out of sight for now but there just in case.

Marie Kondo would most definitely approve of my office. However, the weeds growing in the file cabinet and the rest of the garage…well, that’s another story.

So, what did I learn?

When it comes to clearing out personal and household items, I’m a pro. When it comes to business, I decided to error on the side of caution. Don’t get me wrong, I fully intend to eventually (one rainy day far into the future when I’m the last woman on earth) go through those file cabinets.

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach. You can learn more about her at janfishler.net and dontstopnow.us.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Commentary on Writing and Life Tagged With: humor, MarieKondo, retreats, women, womensretreats, workshops

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