Jan Fishler

Author and Happiness Coach

What is Happiness?

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What is Happiness?

I want to take a moment to dispel some myths about happiness. Contrary to popular opinion, happiness is not about being deliriously cheerful, having a lot of stuff, or being the center of attention. Happiness has very little to do with what’s happening around you or to you and everything to do with how you feel about yourself and others. Happiness is an inside job; the sooner you realize this, the more likely you are to become happy or at least a happier person. Just so we understand what I’m talking about, synonyms for the word happiness abound. The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus lists a boatload of them, including joy, enjoyment, pleasure, satisfaction, comfort, glee, contentedness, cheer, exhilaration, and intoxication–and no, I’m not talking about getting drunk! If you don’t resonate with the word happiness, pick one that makes sense.

You Deserve to Be Happy

Regardless of the word, happiness requires being honest with your feelings and doing whatever you can to make your life as good as possible. Depending on your circumstances, this can be difficult, but it is not unattainable. Yes, no matter what has happened to you in the past, you deserve to have a healthy and joyful life filled with peace and love. Believe it.

If you don’t choose happiness, your other option is unhappiness, and its antonyms are sadness, depression, grief, anguish, and distress. Of course, there are times when, regardless of good intentions, life gets in the way of your peace of mind, but what’s important is how you respond. No matter what the circumstances, you have a choice. You can be reactive, or you can be calm and centered.

Happiness is an Inside Job

This is why I say that happiness is an inside job. So much of life depends on how you cope with the cards you’re dealt. Buying a new car, moving, or divorcing are always options, but wouldn’t it be easier to take responsibility for the circumstances that upset you rather than look outside of yourself for solutions? The truth is, most of the time, you create the drama that causes your unhappiness. Think about it. To live your best life, the goal is to get to a place that’s sustainable. Control your emotions. Be more adaptable and balanced. Communicate better so that you are comfortable asking for what you want rather than demanding or expecting the people in your life to read your mind and do the right thing. Be generous, kind, and good-natured. Behaviors like these are the stepping stones to living a happy life.

If you are the person you expect others to be, you are well on your way to being happy no matter what is going on around you. As a gauge, on a scale of 1-10, with one being sad and depressed and 10 being over the moon, on most days, where do you fall? Is this where you want to be, or could you do better? If you want to feel better, where do you start?

Four Ways to Improve Your Life

No matter who you are, there are four things you can do to improve your life.

• Meditate or practice mindfulness. According to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, “Meditation and mindfulness practices may have a variety of health benefits and may help people improve the quality of their lives. Recent studies have investigated if meditation or mindfulness helps people manage anxiety, stress, depression, pain, or symptoms related to withdrawal from nicotine, alcohol, or opioids.” It does.
• Exercise. The National Library of Medicine states, “Exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and by improving self-esteem and cognitive function.” At the very least, get off the couch and move your body. Take a walk, stretch, or do some yoga. No, you don’t have to join the gym or buy special workout clothes or shoes, although if your floors are hard, you might want to invest in an exercise mat.
• Eat healthy food. Your mom was right. Eat your fruits and vegetables. Throw in some nuts, seeds, beans, and whole grains. Limit sugar and alcohol. Choose fewer processed foods. Limit red meat and fat. Drink water. If you can’t figure it out on your own, see your friendly neighborhood dietitian.
• Think happy thoughts. Your thoughts really do matter. Negative self-talk or negative thinking can not only make you unhappy, but it can also make you sick. It’s a fact that chronic anxiety, depression, and stress can lead to heart disease, high blood pressure, and a weak immune system. To stop intrusive thoughts, wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it as soon as a negative thought pops up.
You can be happier and it doesn’t cost a dime.

Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

Have You Done Enough?

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Have You Done Enough?

This morning I woke up thinking about accomplishments—how much I’ve done during the time I’ve been roaming the earth and how compelled I feel to do more.

Our lives are so busy and we’re so distracted that we rarely stop to take stock of how far we’ve come. In our never-ending quest to be better, to be the best, to succeed against all odds, we don’t think about how much we’ve learned, how much we’ve grown, or how we’ve helped our friends, family and community.

To bring attention to the over-doing plight many of us share, I thought I’d challenge you with an awareness exercise.

Here’s the exercise for today:

Set a timer for 15 minutes and write down every accomplishment that comes to mind. I’m not talking about major achievements or huge successes—although they certain count. I’m talking about the little things too like learning to walk, talk, ride a bike, dress yourself, and tie your shoes. Go back to your early childhood and work your way to the present. Write quickly and don’t give what comes up a lot of thought.

When the timer goes off, read through your list. Keep it handy for the next few days and keep adding to it. Notice whether your list includes a healthy balance between personal and professional successes. If not, what can you do to gain more equilibrium?

My experience

As I did this exercise (my list is at the end of this article), I was amazed by the memories that popped up. And the many things I did without giving myself credit, without appreciating how far I’ve come. I was also stunned by the randomness of the list, how defining moments were co-mingled with the mundane.

After you’re done

Congratulate yourself for being an amazing human. Take some time today and during the week to let all that you’ve done sink in. Appreciate who you are and regardless of what you were told as a child about yourself and others, recognize similarities we all share as well as the abilities that make us unique.

Yes, you’ve done enough, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop or even slow down. It means that amidst this hectic life, you can also give yourself permission to breathe and to be, rather than constantly do and achieve. Are you so busy (and important) that you can’t go for a walk, help you kids with their homework or spend a weekend camping? Okay, so you don’t like camping, but hopefully, you get the point.

No matter how its been or how it is, we all have choices about how we spend our time. I hope your list of accomplishments helps realize that there is time for following your passion and bringing more love and joy into your life.

My Accomplishments (as they popped up):

Learning to walk, talk, read, ride a bike, ice skate, color in the lines, tie my shoes, play the piano, speak some Spanish and French. Graduating from middle school, high school, and college. Getting a master’s degree, driving from Ohio to California by myself, learning to ski, swim and scuba dive, and cook. Being one of the first women to work in the video industry, a career as a corporate scriptwriter and video producer, writing at least 100 video scripts, producing videos for many nonprofit and for profit organizations. Training my dogs, finding my birth family, writing a memoir about my search, getting married, staying married,  having and raising kids, getting my spouse VA benefits, buying a house, writing articles about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a national magazine.

Coordinating tours to Africa and India, back packing through Europe after college, back packing through the Sierra Nevada Mountains, being with my parents during the end of their life, sitting with my cousin at the end of his life, producing a telethon for United Cerebral Palsy, becoming a motivational speaker, getting our daughter the medical help she needed to treat Lyme Disease, emotionally and financially supporting our son on his journey to become a professional magician, being an advocate for both of my children while they were growing up. Making donations to charity, being a good friend, forgiving myself for mistakes, working on healing my adoption issues, being a life-long learner, walking 5 miles each day, lifting weights, dancing.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Manage Your No Good, Very Bad Day with the Emotional Guidance Scale

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Manage Your No Good, Very Bad Day with the Emotional Guidance Scale

If you have children or spend time around them, you’ve probably read or at least heard of the book, “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” Written in 1972 by Judith Vorst and illustrated by Ray Cruz, the first sentence on the back cover explains it all: “Alexander knew it was going to be a terrible day when he woke up with gum in his hair. And it got worse…”

As things get worse for the seven-year-old Alexander, his solution is moving to Australia. Why Australia? The reader never knows for sure, but it’s probably as far away from his problems as he can imagine. We’ve all been there, right?

It’s Always Something

There’s no getting around it. Life is full of glitches and issues. It’s part of the human condition. For those of you old enough to remember the early days of Saturday Night Live, you’ll also remember this quote by Gilda Radner’s character Roseannadanna, “If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s always something.”

Because problems are inevitable, wouldn’t it be great to find a simple and effective way to change our state of mind without having to move to Australia?

The Emotional Guidance Scale

Enter the Emotional Guidance Scale, which was developed (okay I’ll show my woo-woo… channeled by Abraham-Hicks) to help people move towards joy—a great place to land.  Unfortunately, for many people the state of joy can be illusive and even unobtainable.

The moment I saw the scale, something shifted inside of me. If you go to the bottom of this article, you’ll see an image of the scale that’s drawn as two spirals, the upward and the downward.

The upward spiral consists of the 7 best emotional states: joy, passion, enthusiasm, belief, optimism, hopefulness and contentment. The downward spiral contains 15 negative emotions. The worst being fear, grief, despair and powerlessness and the best of the worst being boredom and frustration.

How it Works

The idea is to figure out where you are currently and move up the scale. For example, let’s say you’re angry at your boss because you didn’t get the raise you were expecting. Of course, your anger (number 17 on the downward spiral) can be justified, but that state of mind probably won’t serve you. Getting to a state Joy (and Love) at the top of the scale would require a quantum leap; however, moving up a few notches to Disappointment (number 12) is more reasonable and quite possible.

The Goal

The goal is to spend as much time in the upward spiral as you can. Here’s how to move up the scale when some outside force or your own thoughts effect you.

  1. Realize you’ve been triggered. Triggers are situations like being in the slow line at the grocery store…again, bad drivers, people talking on cell phones at the gym, finance charges on your credit card or worrying about an upcoming project deadline)
  2. Look at the Scale and figure out where you are.
  3. Look at the Scale and figure out where you would like to be.
  4. Choose the better state.

There is no rule that says you must stay in a negative state for any specific amount of time. For example, if feel jealous or overwhelmed go ahead and feel the intensity of the emotion, but only for a minute or so. Then decide to pick a better state of mind. It’s really that simple. Of course, if you’re really worked up, before choosing a better state, try taking two or three slow deep breaths. If that doesn’t work, do some exercise—walk around the block or do a few jumping jacks.

Of course, you could always go to Australia.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

The Emotional Guidance Scale https://www.creatingbeyond.com/energy-clearings/emotional-guidance-scale-abraham-hicks