Jan Fishler

Author and Happiness Coach

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Mindfulness & Meditation: What’s the Difference

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Meditation or Mindfulness? The difference between meditation and mindfulness is something many people confuse. It’s important to clarify the difference because both are beneficial for many of the same reasons. While the two practices are closely related, they are not the same, although many people do both for mental health, stress reduction, and personal growth.

What is Meditation?

Meditation is a practice that involves focusing the mind, often to achieve a deep state of relaxation, awareness, or insight. There are many different types of meditation. Some more popular are focused attention, loving-kindness, and transcendental meditation. There’s also walking meditation, Vipassana, and yoga. You can also repeat mantras or relax and follow guided instructions. One of the simplest forms of meditation is mindfulness meditation. To practice, find a quiet place, sit comfortably, and focus on your breath or a specific sensation in your body. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your point of focus without judgment.

No matter what type of meditation you practice, meditation requires setting aside a specific time to practice, either sitting or lying down in a quiet space. If you’re new to meditation, choose a technique and try it for five to ten minutes. If you don’t like the thought of meditating alone, consider joining a group online or in your area. One option to consider is Mindful Leader. This online community offers drop-in meditation 24 hours/5 days a week.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the quality of being present and fully engaged in the current moment with an open, non-judgmental attitude. The advantage of mindfulness is that it can be cultivated in daily life—whether you’re eating, walking, or doing household chores—without needing a formal meditation session.

Mindful awareness can be integrated into any moment by simply bringing your full attention to what’s happening right now without judgment or distraction. Here are a few ways you can practice mindfulness in daily life:

  1. Focus on your breath: At any moment, whether you’re waiting in line or walking, pay attention to your breath, noticing the sensations of inhaling and exhaling. This can help ground you in the present.
  2. Notice your surroundings: Engage your senses. What do you see, hear, smell, or feel? Bringing awareness to your environment can shift your focus away from distractions and center you in the present moment.
  3. Body scan: Throughout the day, pause to check in with your body. Are there areas of tension? How does your body feel at this moment? Just observing without trying to change anything can help you stay present.
  4. Non-judgmental awareness: When you find yourself evaluating your experiences, try shifting to a more neutral stance. Instead of judging your thoughts or emotions, observe them as they arise and understand that they are temporary.
  5. Mindful movement: Whether walking, stretching, or doing an activity like washing dishes, try to engage fully in the task. Feel the movements in your body and the sensations involved, and stay present with the activity at hand.
  6. Mindful listening: When interacting with others, really listen. Pay attention to the words, the tone, the pauses, and even the body language. Being fully present in conversations allows for deeper connections and more clarity.

Mindfulness is all about intentionally bringing your focus to the present and reducing distractions, even for a few seconds. Over time, these small moments of mindful awareness can build up and integrate into your daily routine.

Differences and Similarities

There are three main differences between meditation and mindfulness.

  • Meditation is a structured, formal practice, while mindfulness is more of an ongoing state of awareness that can be practiced throughout the day.
  • Meditation usually has a specific goal (e.g., deepening awareness, relaxation, or insight), whereas mindfulness is about maintaining continuous, open attention to the present moment without any particular objective.
  • Meditation often requires a dedicated time commitment (e.g., 10-30 minutes), while mindfulness can be practiced in short bursts throughout the day, even while engaging in everyday tasks.

The two practices also complement one another. Meditation can serve as a training ground for mindfulness by helping individuals develop greater self-awareness and focus. The skills learned in meditation, such as focusing on the breath, can support mindfulness practices in daily life. Most importantly, both practices contribute to mental well-being. Many people practice meditation and mindfulness daily to increase peace of mind, clarity, and focus.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

 

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No one is Happy All the Time

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No one is happy all the time. Regardless of who you are or what you do, there will be times when your peace of mind gets disrupted. You forget to put money in the meter and get a parking ticket. Your partner says something that upsets you. You don’t get the raise you were hoping for. The list goes on and on. We are all human, and unhappiness and its synonyms are part of the experience. Think about it. If you weren’t sad or upset now and then, how would you appreciate feeling good?

How Most People Feel

When asked to rate their happiness on a scale of 1-10, most people say they’re at 7. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re leading a charmed life, but it does mean you’re feeling pretty good most of the time. It means you have friends, activities you enjoy, a job you at least find interesting, and enough money to provide yourself with food, clothing, and shelter. Occasionally, there might be a glitch or two, but nothing you can’t handle. As a seven, there are even days that exceed your expectations. You get a raise, that person at work you’ve been fantasizing about asks you out, or your youngest child—the late bloomer—gets an A on a spelling test. That’s life as a 7.

Having Suicidal Thoughts?

If you’re feeling down more than you’re feeling up, it’s time to act. If you’re seriously depressed and have suicidal thoughts, call 988—the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline hotline. People there can help. If you’re too depressed to pick up the phone, express your feelings to a trusted friend in a text or email. Write something like, I’m feeling alone and suicidal. Could you please call me? Or are you free to talk? I’m in a bad place now and need a friend. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to ignore. There is no shame ever in asking for help when you need it.

Getting Out of a Funk

What if you’ve been in a funk for a few days and want to feel better? Maybe you’re stuck in a rut after a bad breakup, or the new job isn’t what you thought it would be; how do you get your groove back? It’s easy to think you’ll never be happy again, but you will. According to The Happiness Set Point Theory, 50% or more of your happiness is determined by genetics. Your mindset and activities decide 40%, and 10% depends on external life circumstances. This means that when you’re feeling sad or depressed, you can improve your mood by choosing activities that make you feel better. Exercise, meditation, expressing gratitude, and spending time with friends or family can improve your outlook.

The Setpoint Theory

The setpoint theory explains why some people with similar backgrounds and experiences appear happier than others or why celebrities who seem to have it all are so unhappy. No matter where you fall on the happiness continuum, it’s good to know that your baseline is a point you’ll eventually return to. Research also shows that setpoints are pliable and respond to activities that add value and meaning to your life. For example, personal growth, lifelong learning, mindfulness, and acts of kindness have been shown to elevate setpoints and raise happiness levels.

Remember, if you want to be happier, there are things you can do to raise your happiness setpoint. If you’re so unhappy that you feel like life isn’t worth living, please get help. Call 988.

 

Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

Filed Under: Writing Tips delete Tagged With: happiness, happiness coaching, Jan Fishler, janfishler

Happiness is an Inside Job

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Happiness is an Inside Job

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when…” I’ll be happy when I get a better job, lose 10 pounds, get married, get divorced, or have enough money to retire? The problem with this approach is that you’re looking at happiness as something to be attained.  You’re letting your happiness depends on something or someone outside of yourself rather than on what you already have inside.

A better option is to cultivate happiness from with. Appreciating what you already have is a great way to increase your happiness and resist the temptation of reaching for an impossible dream. This doesn’t mean you can’t want a better job, marriage, or a new wardrobe. It just means how you feel doesn’t depend on having those items.

Appreciate What You Have

Regardless of your current perspective, acknowledging and valuing what you already possess can significantly amplify your happiness. If you’re doubtful, take a moment for introspection. Begin from the start, from your earliest memories, and note down all your accomplishments. Recall the instances when you’ve helped others or conquered against all odds. This exercise in gratitude and self-reflection is a potent tool in your quest for happiness, empowering you to recognize your own strength and resilience.

Life isn’t about getting; it’s about enjoying the ride and going with the ebbs and flows. Of course, you’re not going to be happy all the time. No one is. It’s about being in the moment and noticing what’s happening around you. Is there something you can do to help a neighbor? Are your kids struggling with math or being bullied? Is your partner worried about something and not talking? Are you so caught up in your thoughts and feelings that you aren’t noticing others?

The Role of Fear, Sadness, and Grief

Fear, sadness, and grief are inevitable emotions that serve as wake-up calls. Hearing about someone else’s loss is an opportunity to be grateful for what you have. A friend told me that her daughter’s house burned down. The family—including the dogs—were safe. But they lost everything. Imagine what that would be like if it happened to you. Then, appreciate how much you have and be grateful for your well-being. It turns out that the community stepped in to help by providing long-term housing and donations. These challenges, when overcome, can make you more resilient and appreciative of life’s blessings.

If you seek joy and contentment, the key is to find happiness and joy within. When life presents challenges, view them as opportunities for growth. For instance, getting laid off might be an opportunity to return to school and learn a new trade. A divorce or breakup can be a chance to do some much-needed soul-searching. A health crisis can be a wake-up call to eat better and start exercising. Remember that life is a journey. It’s important to appreciate the voyage, the ups and downs, the twists and turns, whether you reach your destination or not. This perspective will bring you patience and contentment.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

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Two Ways of Looking at Happiness

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Two Ways of Looking at Happiness

Psychologically, there are two ways of looking at happiness. One is Hedonic. The other is Eudaimonic. The first option is the easiest. It’s a quick fix and a temporary solution. Think of a glass of wine with friends, splurging on a new outfit, or buying something you don’t need for your house. Hedonic happiness is short-term and fleeting. This can be unsatisfying and cause you to look for your next boost of pleasure to distract you from uncomfortable feelings.

Hedonic Pleasure

Hedonic pleasure has its place. It can help brighten your day and help you get through a bad one. Examples include getting a bonus at work, watching a movie you love, getting a massage, eating fabulous dessert, going to the hair salon, buying those boots you’ve been eyeing for weeks, or having great sex. There’s nothing wrong with this behavior if it’s not causing reckless spending or behavior, such as buying things you can’t afford or engaging in risky activities if you realize this type of happiness doesn’t last.

Eudaimonic Happiness

Eudaimonic happiness is a journey of growth and self-discovery that leads to long-term and lasting satisfaction. It’s about building your best life by setting goals, overcoming roadblocks, and realizing your potential as a human being. This process, while not always easy, is deeply rewarding. It involves identifying your beliefs and core values, understanding your strengths and weaknesses, and recognizing the connection between your thoughts, actions, and outcomes.

The journey to eudaimonic happiness may not always be comfortable, but the sense of achievement and fulfillment it brings is unparalleled. For instance, if you’re striving to lose weight, you might need to forgo immediate pleasures like dessert in favor of your long-term goal. Similarly, the joy of reaching a specific goal or mastering a skill, such as becoming fluent in a new language after months or years of practice, is a testament to the power of eudaimonic happiness.

Journal Exercise

If you are new to these concepts, you might want to journal about the topic. Make two columns. Label one hedonic and the other eudaimonic. Under the hedonic column, list behaviors you typically do when feeling sad, angry, or depressed. Be honest with yourself. Underline any of those behaviors that are risky, dangerous, or unsustainable. For example, if your job is stressful and you’re soothing yourself by drinking too much after work, underline that behavior. Once you’ve completed your list, move to the eudaimonic column and consider your long-term goals and how you want your life to be.

Do you want to raise a family or earn a degree? Do you want more meaningful work, to help others, volunteer, speak another language, or master a particular skill? Now, compare the two columns and circle any behaviors in the hedonic column that won’t help you attain your eudaimonic goals. Can you let these behaviors go, or could you benefit from some help? There’s no reason to struggle to get where you want to be. A happiness coach can help.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

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Why You Need a Happiness Coach

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Why You Need a Happiness Coach

A Happiness Coach can make a big difference in your life. Sometimes, life can be complicated, confusing, and full of unnecessary stress. When that happens, it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and commotion. Before you know it, you’re not your usual happy self. You’re gaining weight, drinking more than you should, not exercising, arguing with your partner, or avoiding friends. The list goes on and on. Before you know it, you’re angry and depressed and in a funk. You know you need to do something, but what?

If you often struggle with mental health issues, therapy might be your best option, but if the situation is temporary, a happiness coach can help guide you out of the chaos that’s infiltrated your life and move you toward a more balanced and healthier lifestyle. You can also have fun during the process.

Why Work With a Coach

A happiness coach can do many things, but most people work with a coach because they are going through a significant life transition. For example, you might be ending a career, looking for a new one, or wanting to start a new business. Maybe you’ve ended a long-term relationship and are wondering how to meet new people. Moving to a new location and figuring out how to settle in can also require the assistance of a coach. Perhaps a close friend or family member or even you are having scary medical issues. Empty-nesters and retirees can also benefit from happiness coaching, just as new moms can.

How a Happiness Coach Can Help

Regardless of what’s going on in your life, a happiness coach can empower you to live a happier life on your terms and increase your sense of well-being. This means a coach might help you eliminate habits that aren’t working for you, improve those that will, and help you develop your full potential. Appreciating little things, feeling more peaceful, letting go of painful memories, and experiencing joy more fully are some ways a happiness coach can help you get more out of life.

A happiness coach will also help you define happiness because it’s different for everyone. Figuring out what happiness means for you and creating a roadmap to get there is a big part of coaching. For some people, it takes one or two sessions, but others need more time. If you think you might benefit from happiness coaching, schedule a free introductory phone call with a coach to see if you’re a match. It’s crucial to find a coach that you like and trust so that your time together is productive and enjoyable.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

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Writing Tips for Everybody

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Writing Tips for Everybody

Whether you’re writing articles, blog posts, a book, or creating social media content, at some point, you’re going to write.  Writing is something we’ve all been doing since grade school. Some of us love the process and other see it as a necessary evil. I’m one of the people who loves to write mostly because it helps me organize my thoughts and communicate them to my tribe.

Sometimes, when I have a problem to resolve, I write for my eyes only. I take a few deep breaths, put pen to paper, and let the words flow without regard to grammar, syntax, or structure. This is how I tap into my subconscious to see what’s really going on. I’m often surprised at what shows up. If you try this, start by asking a question. The subconscious loves to answer questions. For example, the topic of this blog post is Writing. But, the question I asked before I started writing was, “What writing tips can I share with LinkedIn readers?”

I offer offer a course designed to help people bring their book to life (Bring Your Book to Life). Last night I attended an eWomen Network meeting where I was sharing information about the writing course and I realized that the process I share over a weekend works for more than books. The list of chapters and the bullet points to be covered work for more than books.   Articles, blog posts, social media content–even speeches–can be the focus. One women shared that her first book was actually a collection of blog posts.

Getting back to the purpose of this post: Here are three tips that will help you write anything.

  1. Think about your audience and what you want to tell them. It is much easier to think than it is to write. I’m a huge fan of mind maps, but traditional outlines and bullet points also work. I also use 3×5 cards to capture thoughts because they are easy to organize. What does your audience need to know? What is the simplest way to give them that information?
  2. Turn your bulleted points or outline into questions and then answer them.  The subconscious mind loves to answer questions. It’s the quickest way I know to crank out content.
  3. Use language that speaks to your tribe. The words you choose to communicate with engineers will be different than the language you use to write an article about dating for teenage girls.

If you have questions about writing anything, please book a call. I can help you get whatever is in your head on the page where it can do some good!

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Filed Under: Writing Tips delete Tagged With: writing, writing coach, writing tips, writing workshop

Retirement & Lifelong Learning

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The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to keep learning and expanding my areas of interest. I could easily retire, but then what? Retirement–whatever that means–never seemed like a viable option. When I was a kid, my grandparents retired and moved from Ohio to Florida. My grandfather left his noodle company to my father and dedicated his retirement years to fishing. Every morning he would take his rod and reel, walk down to the public peer and wait for the fish to bite. My grandmother was the opposite. She spent her retirement years at the pool, playing cards and shopping. My parents weren’t much different. My father retired to play golf and cards and my mother followed suit. As I approached retirement years, none of these options made sense to me.

Lifelong learning is more my jam.

I recently became a member of eWomen network–a networking organization that helps women business owners achieve great success. They offer several ongoing live and online and networking opportunities as well as various classes designed to help women entrepreneurs succeed. We are all better together and this organization has mastered the fine art of giving and sharing. At every meeting there is an opportunity for members to introduce themselves and their business. I’d been looking for someone to help me create videos and one of the women on yesterday’s call, Marcia O’Malley, offers that exact service through www.MindfulnessMediaServices.com. Quick!  Hit the easy button.

Yesterday, in addition to networking, there was an online class called “Maximizing LinkedIn.” The instructor, Shannon Danesteh, a charming young woman from Kentucky, was a wealth of useful information that everyone who attended could easily digest and implement. If it weren’t for the pandemic and the upsurge of Zoom calls expanding our networks exponentially, I would not have met Shannon or any of the other women who were on the call. I spent an hour or so after the class updating and completing my online profile and rethinking my online marketing strategy. I still have a lot to do, but I have a much better understanding of the platform.

Community College Classes

In addition to enhancing my social media skills, I also take classes offered through adult education. Last quarter, I took an online class on voice-over training offered by Such a Voice. I’d always thought this would be an interesting career path. Why not keep options open, right? But, I was also looking for tips and suggestions for being a better speaker which I got.  The current issue of “Kaleidoscope,” a publication listing community classes offered by Sierra College, has several courses that interest me. “Keeping a Healthy Back” is at the top of my list followed by “Beginning Piano 2.” The catalogue has something for everyone from business and finance to photography and travel. Just about every community offers some sort of adult education.

A side benefit of taking classes is meeting new people who share similar interests. Anyone who has tried and failed with online dating might want to give community college classes a try. Photography, music and mountain bike fundamentals might have some interesting prospects.

For me, retirement means learning new things and sharing what I know. I don’t expect that to change any time soon. Learning and sharing is the best way I know to keep my brain active and my attitude properly adjusted.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Writing Tips delete Tagged With: Goals, learning, lifelong learning, retirement, women

The Power of the Subconscious

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Conscious vs Subconscious

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Tapping into the subconscious

It was the mid-80s (yes, I had big hair) and I was hired as a writer/video producer for a large Bay Area company. My student loans were due and I was thrilled to get a much coveted  job in my field. There was only one problem–the company had a no smoking policy and I had a pack a day habit and believed my creativity depended on it. I had one week to quit. Fortunately, I’d had an internship at a public access TV station and one of the clients was a hypnotherapist. Once a week I videotaped him teaching hypnosis to social workers and psychologists. I witnessed the power of hypnosis in that setting and hoped it might help me so I gave him a call. He was happy to help. A few days later I had my first hypnosis session and my last cigarette.

Why is hypnosis so powerful?

There are a few reasons why hypnosis works. The first is that you are in a relaxed state. The second is that a relaxed state is a receptive state–one that is open to suggestion. This state bypasses the critical, discerning mind and speaks directly to the subconscious mind. The subconscious believes just about anything it’s told.  Add to this a strong desire to change a particular behavior like smoking and you will  manifest your desire. Once I understood the power of the hypnosis and the effect it has on the subconscious, I used it often for relaxation, pain management, anxiety, falling asleep, and getting work done quickly. I used it to come up with creative ideas and to solve problems. I learned self-hypnosis and became invincible. What I discovered is that eventually, the habits I changed using hypnosis no longer required it.

Examples of changes that occurred because of hypnosis

Sleep came as soon as my head hit the pillow. Creative ideas flowed the minute  I sat in my office chair. Procrastination disappeared and I consistently completed projects before the deadline. Limiting thoughts and beliefs vanished. Over time, I discovered there were other ways to tap into the subconscious. Relaxation, visualization, exercise, dreams, positive self-talk, even automatic writing. None of these techniques are difficult to apply–you just have to do it. The more you do it, but better you get at it and the better your results. Regardless of the type of work you do, these techniques will enhance your efforts and make whatever aspect of life you choose easier, faster and more fun.  For me, it’s writing, For my friend Ruth, it’s learning the piano in midlife. For another friend, it’s her art.

If you want to give some of these techniques a try, I’m offering a FREE Zoom course, “Free Yourself to Write.”  It’s the last Wednesday of each month through 2021 from 2-3 p.m. Pacific Time.

You can register HERE. 

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

 

Filed Under: Writing Tips delete Tagged With: author, hypnosis, relaxation, subconscious, writing, writing workshop

Sleep

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Image by Stephanie Ghesquier from Pixabay

Sleep

Last night I was watching an episode of Shameless (I just love that series). Lip’s AA sponsor was so sleep deprived from taking care of his new baby that after a long period of sobriety, he started drinking again. The scene ended with him punching Lip in the face and driving off drunk. A prime-time example of how lack of sleep can impact our judgment and result in dire consequences.

This brings me to the importance of sleep. In this go, go, go, gotta get it done world, who isn’t pushing themselves? All you have to do is sit down in your local Starbucks and watch people work. Or better, look in your own mirror and see the tired face staring back at you. How much caffeine does it take for you to get through the day?  Is the gain worth the side effects?

Caffeine

According to an article in Healthline, https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/caffeine-side-effects caffeine is safe for most people if it’s consumed in low to moderate amounts. High doses (400 milligrams/ day or 4 cups of brewed coffee) can be dangerous.

Too much caffeine can cause: Anxiety and nervousness, digestive issues, muscle breakdown, addiction, high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, fatigue (after the caffeine leaves your system), frequent urination and urgency, and, insomnia—difficulty getting enough restorative sleep.

Other Factors

There are factors other than caffeine consumption that contribute to sleeplessness. Stress, worry about work, health, money, and family can consume our thoughts making it difficult or impossible to fall asleep or stay asleep. So can traumatic events like the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job. For many people, just listening to the news can cause sleepless nights. For mid-life women, menopause can be the culprit.

Whatever the cause, lack of sleep will eventually take a toll on your mind, body and soul. Instead of being more productive, you can end up spinning your wheels or worse, making serious errors in judgement that can affect your job and perhaps your life.

Solutions

While pharmaceuticals are an option, I prefer more natural alternatives—for obvious reasons, ones that don’t include drinking tea before bed—like those suggested by onemedical.

The original article offers many more do’s and don’ts. But the first six work for me—especially relaxation exercises and mindful breathing.

  • Stick to a regular sleep schedule (same bedtime and wake-up time), seven days a week.
  • Exercise at least 30 minutes per day most days of the week. …
  • Get plenty of natural light exposure during the day. …
  • Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine.
  • Take a warm bath or shower before bed.
  • Do relaxation exercises before bed, including mindful breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.

The Quick Fix

It’s amazing how a few deep breaths followed by 5 to 10 minutes of watching your breath can clear your head of stressful thoughts and reboot your system—and help you relax enough to fall asleep. Another option is to listen to any of the sleep meditations on Insight Timer. That app has been a blessing.

Sometimes life becomes so complicated and stressful that the only way to relax is to unplug, change the scenery, and spend time in nature. Remember: Sleep is important. To be our best selves, we really need 7 to 8 hours a night.

 

Don't Stop BookJan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

If you want to rest, reflect and reset, check out Jan and Beth’s Ignited Women Weekend Retreat October 25-27 in Soquel CA.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Writing Tips delete Tagged With: insomnia, sleep, women

Have You Done Enough?

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Have You Done Enough?

This morning I woke up thinking about accomplishments—how much I’ve done during the time I’ve been roaming the earth and how compelled I feel to do more.

Our lives are so busy and we’re so distracted that we rarely stop to take stock of how far we’ve come. In our never-ending quest to be better, to be the best, to succeed against all odds, we don’t think about how much we’ve learned, how much we’ve grown, or how we’ve helped our friends, family and community.

To bring attention to the over-doing plight many of us share, I thought I’d challenge you with an awareness exercise.

Here’s the exercise for today:

Set a timer for 15 minutes and write down every accomplishment that comes to mind. I’m not talking about major achievements or huge successes—although they certain count. I’m talking about the little things too like learning to walk, talk, ride a bike, dress yourself, and tie your shoes. Go back to your early childhood and work your way to the present. Write quickly and don’t give what comes up a lot of thought.

When the timer goes off, read through your list. Keep it handy for the next few days and keep adding to it. Notice whether your list includes a healthy balance between personal and professional successes. If not, what can you do to gain more equilibrium?

My experience

As I did this exercise (my list is at the end of this article), I was amazed by the memories that popped up. And the many things I did without giving myself credit, without appreciating how far I’ve come. I was also stunned by the randomness of the list, how defining moments were co-mingled with the mundane.

After you’re done

Congratulate yourself for being an amazing human. Take some time today and during the week to let all that you’ve done sink in. Appreciate who you are and regardless of what you were told as a child about yourself and others, recognize similarities we all share as well as the abilities that make us unique.

Yes, you’ve done enough, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop or even slow down. It means that amidst this hectic life, you can also give yourself permission to breathe and to be, rather than constantly do and achieve. Are you so busy (and important) that you can’t go for a walk, help you kids with their homework or spend a weekend camping? Okay, so you don’t like camping, but hopefully, you get the point.

No matter how its been or how it is, we all have choices about how we spend our time. I hope your list of accomplishments helps realize that there is time for following your passion and bringing more love and joy into your life.

My Accomplishments (as they popped up):

Learning to walk, talk, read, ride a bike, ice skate, color in the lines, tie my shoes, play the piano, speak some Spanish and French. Graduating from middle school, high school, and college. Getting a master’s degree, driving from Ohio to California by myself, learning to ski, swim and scuba dive, and cook. Being one of the first women to work in the video industry, a career as a corporate scriptwriter and video producer, writing at least 100 video scripts, producing videos for many nonprofit and for profit organizations. Training my dogs, finding my birth family, writing a memoir about my search, getting married, staying married,  having and raising kids, getting my spouse VA benefits, buying a house, writing articles about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for a national magazine.

Coordinating tours to Africa and India, back packing through Europe after college, back packing through the Sierra Nevada Mountains, being with my parents during the end of their life, sitting with my cousin at the end of his life, producing a telethon for United Cerebral Palsy, becoming a motivational speaker, getting our daughter the medical help she needed to treat Lyme Disease, emotionally and financially supporting our son on his journey to become a professional magician, being an advocate for both of my children while they were growing up. Making donations to charity, being a good friend, forgiving myself for mistakes, working on healing my adoption issues, being a life-long learner, walking 5 miles each day, lifting weights, dancing.

 

Jan Fishler is an author, motivational speaker and writing coach.  You can learn more about her work at www.JanFishler.net and www.DontStopNow.us, the site of her latest book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Writing Tips delete Tagged With: accomplishments, challenge, joy, love, success

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