JanFishler

Author ~ Happiness Coach

Happiness is an Inside Job

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Happiness is an Inside Job

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when…” I’ll be happy when I get a better job, lose 10 pounds, get married, get divorced, or have enough money to retire? The problem with this approach is that you’re looking at happiness as something to be attained.  You’re letting your happiness depends on something or someone outside of yourself rather than on what you already have inside.

A better option is to cultivate happiness from with. Appreciating what you already have is a great way to increase your happiness and resist the temptation of reaching for an impossible dream. This doesn’t mean you can’t want a better job, marriage, or a new wardrobe. It just means how you feel doesn’t depend on having those items.

Appreciate What You Have

Regardless of your current perspective, acknowledging and valuing what you already possess can significantly amplify your happiness. If you’re doubtful, take a moment for introspection. Begin from the start, from your earliest memories, and note down all your accomplishments. Recall the instances when you’ve helped others or conquered against all odds. This exercise in gratitude and self-reflection is a potent tool in your quest for happiness, empowering you to recognize your own strength and resilience.

Life isn’t about getting; it’s about enjoying the ride and going with the ebbs and flows. Of course, you’re not going to be happy all the time. No one is. It’s about being in the moment and noticing what’s happening around you. Is there something you can do to help a neighbor? Are your kids struggling with math or being bullied? Is your partner worried about something and not talking? Are you so caught up in your thoughts and feelings that you aren’t noticing others?

The Role of Fear, Sadness, and Grief

Fear, sadness, and grief are inevitable emotions that serve as wake-up calls. Hearing about someone else’s loss is an opportunity to be grateful for what you have. A friend told me that her daughter’s house burned down. The family—including the dogs—were safe. But they lost everything. Imagine what that would be like if it happened to you. Then, appreciate how much you have and be grateful for your well-being. It turns out that the community stepped in to help by providing long-term housing and donations. These challenges, when overcome, can make you more resilient and appreciative of life’s blessings.

If you seek joy and contentment, the key is to find happiness and joy within. When life presents challenges, view them as opportunities for growth. For instance, getting laid off might be an opportunity to return to school and learn a new trade. A divorce or breakup can be a chance to do some much-needed soul-searching. A health crisis can be a wake-up call to eat better and start exercising. Remember that life is a journey. It’s important to appreciate the voyage, the ups and downs, the twists and turns, whether you reach your destination or not. This perspective will bring you patience and contentment.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

Two Ways of Looking at Happiness

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Two Ways of Looking at Happiness

Psychologically, there are two ways of looking at happiness. One is Hedonic. The other is Eudaimonic. The first option is the easiest. It’s a quick fix and a temporary solution. Think of a glass of wine with friends, splurging on a new outfit, or buying something you don’t need for your house. Hedonic happiness is short-term and fleeting. This can be unsatisfying and cause you to look for your next boost of pleasure to distract you from uncomfortable feelings.

Hedonic Pleasure

Hedonic pleasure has its place. It can help brighten your day and help you get through a bad one. Examples include getting a bonus at work, watching a movie you love, getting a massage, eating fabulous dessert, going to the hair salon, buying those boots you’ve been eyeing for weeks, or having great sex. There’s nothing wrong with this behavior if it’s not causing reckless spending or behavior, such as buying things you can’t afford or engaging in risky activities if you realize this type of happiness doesn’t last.

Eudaimonic Happiness

Eudaimonic happiness is a journey of growth and self-discovery that leads to long-term and lasting satisfaction. It’s about building your best life by setting goals, overcoming roadblocks, and realizing your potential as a human being. This process, while not always easy, is deeply rewarding. It involves identifying your beliefs and core values, understanding your strengths and weaknesses, and recognizing the connection between your thoughts, actions, and outcomes.

The journey to eudaimonic happiness may not always be comfortable, but the sense of achievement and fulfillment it brings is unparalleled. For instance, if you’re striving to lose weight, you might need to forgo immediate pleasures like dessert in favor of your long-term goal. Similarly, the joy of reaching a specific goal or mastering a skill, such as becoming fluent in a new language after months or years of practice, is a testament to the power of eudaimonic happiness.

Journal Exercise

If you are new to these concepts, you might want to journal about the topic. Make two columns. Label one hedonic and the other eudaimonic. Under the hedonic column, list behaviors you typically do when feeling sad, angry, or depressed. Be honest with yourself. Underline any of those behaviors that are risky, dangerous, or unsustainable. For example, if your job is stressful and you’re soothing yourself by drinking too much after work, underline that behavior. Once you’ve completed your list, move to the eudaimonic column and consider your long-term goals and how you want your life to be.

Do you want to raise a family or earn a degree? Do you want more meaningful work, to help others, volunteer, speak another language, or master a particular skill? Now, compare the two columns and circle any behaviors in the hedonic column that won’t help you attain your eudaimonic goals. Can you let these behaviors go, or could you benefit from some help? There’s no reason to struggle to get where you want to be. A happiness coach can help.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

Why You Need a Happiness Coach

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Why You Need a Happiness Coach

Sometimes, life can be complicated, confusing, and full of unnecessary stress. When that happens, it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and commotion. Before you know it, you’re not your usual happy self. You’re gaining weight, drinking more than you should, not exercising, arguing with your partner, or avoiding friends. The list goes on and on. Before you know it, you’re angry and depressed and in a funk. You know you need to do something, but what?

If you often struggle with mental health issues, therapy might be your best option, but if the situation is temporary, a happiness coach can help guide you out of the chaos that’s infiltrated your life and move you toward a more balanced and healthier lifestyle. You can also have fun during the process.

Why Work With a Coach

A happiness coach can do many things, but most people work with a coach because they are going through a significant life transition. For example, you might be ending a career, looking for a new one, or wanting to start a new business. Maybe you’ve ended a long-term relationship and are wondering how to meet new people. Moving to a new location and figuring out how to settle in can also require the assistance of a coach. Perhaps a close friend or family member or even you are having scary medical issues. Empty-nesters and retirees can also benefit from happiness coaching, just as new moms can.

How a Happiness Coach Can Help

Regardless of what’s going on in your life, a happiness coach can empower you to live a happier life on your terms and increase your sense of well-being. This means a coach might help you eliminate habits that aren’t working for you, improve those that will, and help you develop your full potential. Appreciating little things, feeling more peaceful, letting go of painful memories, and experiencing joy more fully are some ways a happiness coach can help you get more out of life.

A happiness coach will also help you define happiness because it’s different for everyone. Figuring out what happiness means for you and creating a roadmap to get there is a big part of coaching. For some people, it takes one or two sessions, but others need more time. If you think you might benefit from happiness coaching, schedule a free introductory phone call with a coach to see if you’re a match. It’s crucial to find a coach that you like and trust so that your time together is productive and enjoyable.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

Happiness Coach–one-on-one or group?

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Which is better—working one-on-one with a happiness coach or participating in a group?

The correct answer is both are good. If you’re new to coaching and not clear about your goals, one-on-one coaching allows the coach to get to know you. Once that happens, a happiness coach can create a customized plan just for you. Your one-on-one time with your coach  helps them understand your needs, attitudes, and behaviors. This fosters a deep sense of trust and understanding–a necessary ingredient for success.

Individuals who work full-time, travel frequently, or have children at home often benefit from the flexibility provided by a one-on-one happiness coach.  This type of coaching also works best when someone is uncomfortable sharing because they feel their issue is too personal or shameful. Suppose you are struggling with addiction, abuse, a difficult marriage, or something similar. In that case, you might want to begin with one-on-one coaching and shift to a group after your primary concerns have been addressed.

Who Benefits From Group Coaching

For many, group coaching is the preferred option. The group setting often fosters a supportive environment where members hold each other accountable and provide mutual support. This collective support is a powerful motivator, creating an atmosphere of joy and appreciation that can lead to remarkable results. As group members become more comfortable with each other, the exchange of information and learning from each other’s experiences can lead to unexpected breakthroughs.

In one of my recent groups, Julie shared her concern about a woman who was smoking cigarettes in front of Julie’s bedroom window at the condo where they both lived. The smoke was wafting into Julie’s apartment and making her life miserable. Intimidated by the smoker, the only solution Julie came up with was keeping her windows closed. Upon hearing Julie’s story, the group began offering solutions. Julie took notes and found a solution. Management posted a no-smoking sign in the area outside of Julie’s window. And,  the smoker found a new location to partake in her habit. Solutions like this one are a common phenomenon in a group setting.

Topics a Happiness Coach Might Cover

Whether you work one-on-one or in a group, some topics a happiness coach will offer depend on the coach’s focus. A workplace might focus on communication, active listening, conflict resolution, resilience, problem-solving, time management, and increasing positivity. A coach mentoring adults might cover limiting beliefs, mindfulness, motivation, relationships, stress management, and overcoming challenges. A coach for youth might explore peer relationships and boosting self-esteem. Career development, drugs and alcohol, dating and sex and academic success might also be discussed.

If you’ve been struggling with issues at home or work, working with a happiness coach can provide relief and options you might not come up with alone. The best way to get started is with a free introductory phone call. Before you hire a coach, be sure you choose one who  will work with you at a price you can afford.

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Jan Fishler is a certified happiness coach and author. Her most recent books are Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life and 52 Ways to Be Happy: from the inside out. You can learn more at www.JanFishler.net.

Happiness Checklists

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I’m a huge fan of lists. I use them often because they are abbreviated reminders of what I want to accomplish in a given day, week, or year. Lists help me collect my thoughts and prioritize what needs to be done. They shape my day and free me up to think about more important things. Lists are time-savers and sometimes lifesavers. Lists are also a great way to highlight important facts.

The following lists were developed to generate an overview of coaching and how it can help you bring clarity and peace of mind into your life. Because happiness means different things to different people, the first list provides (synonyms) for happiness. The second list covers topics a happiness coach might employ to help you become happier. The third list contains situations that might motivate you to seek out a coach.

Saying you want to be happy generally means you want more…

  • Excitement
  • Joy
  • Pleasure
  • Gratitude
  • Love
  • Enchantment
  • Peace
  • Fulfillment
  • A sense of purpose or meaning
  • Connection
  • Hope
  • Playful
  • Proud
  • Accepted
  • Optimistic
  • Confident
  • Inspired
  • Contentment

 Happiness coaching can show you how to:

  • Create your definition of happiness
  • Improve the quality of your life
  • Explore your emotions to live more fully and authentically
  • Embrace your emotions, not fear them
  • Welcome everything life has to offer
  • Love yourself and others
  • Improve your emotional well-being
  • Turn pain into a positive life transformation
  • Create, follow, and accomplish your dreams
  • Find meaning and value in your life
  • Discover the peace and contentment within
  • Empower you to live a happier life, whatever that means to you
  • Increase your sense of well-being
  • Reduce or eliminate habits that bring you down
  • Increase habits that improve the quality of your life
  • Live life to your full potential
  • Savor little moments
  • Feel peace more often
  • Process and let go of painful memories

Life transitions that may lead you to seek out a happiness coach:

  • Ending a career/job
  • Starting a new career/job
  • Wanting to start a new business
  • Recently ending a relationship
  • Having all the youngest children in the family finally be in school
  • Having adult children finally leave the house
  • Moving to a new town
  • The death of a loved one in the recent past
  • An unexpected medical diagnosis of a loved one (or of themselves)
  • Having gone through a challenging year and wanting new inspiration
  • Middle age
  • recent retirement

Writing Tips for Everybody

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Writing Tips for Everybody

Whether you’re writing articles, blog posts, a book, or creating social media content, at some point, you’re going to write.  Writing is something we’ve all been doing since grade school. Some of us love the process and other see it as a necessary evil. I’m one of the people who loves to write mostly because it helps me organize my thoughts and communicate them to my tribe.

Sometimes, when I have a problem to resolve, I write for my eyes only. I take a few deep breaths, put pen to paper, and let the words flow without regard to grammar, syntax, or structure. This is how I tap into my subconscious to see what’s really going on. I’m often surprised at what shows up. If you try this, start by asking a question. The subconscious loves to answer questions. For example, the topic of this blog post is Writing. But, the question I asked before I started writing was, “What writing tips can I share with LinkedIn readers?”

I offer offer a course designed to help people bring their book to life (Bring Your Book to Life). Last night I attended an eWomen Network meeting where I was sharing information about the writing course and I realized that the process I share over a weekend works for more than books. The list of chapters and the bullet points to be covered work for more than books.   Articles, blog posts, social media content–even speeches–can be the focus. One women shared that her first book was actually a collection of blog posts.

Getting back to the purpose of this post: Here are three tips that will help you write anything.

  1. Think about your audience and what you want to tell them. It is much easier to think than it is to write. I’m a huge fan of mind maps, but traditional outlines and bullet points also work. I also use 3×5 cards to capture thoughts because they are easy to organize. What does your audience need to know? What is the simplest way to give them that information?
  2. Turn your bulleted points or outline into questions and then answer them.  The subconscious mind loves to answer questions. It’s the quickest way I know to crank out content.
  3. Use language that speaks to your tribe. The words you choose to communicate with engineers will be different than the language you use to write an article about dating for teenage girls.

If you have questions about writing anything, please book a call. I can help you get whatever is in your head on the page where it can do some good!

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Completion: My Word for 2022

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My word for 2022 is completion. I generally spend a portion of new year’s eve thinking about the past year and picking a word to represent how I hope the following year unfolds. Last year my word was action. The year before it was truth. I chose completion because at this point in my career–and in my life, I have accomplished a lot, but I have some unfinished projects that I want to complete.  At the top of my list is offering writing classes that I’ve developed and tested but never really marketed consistently. I get very excited about creating content, but getting the word out about my offering is where I drop the ball.

At the end of 2021, I finally hired someone to help me–a decision I wish I’d made years ago, but at least I have help now. As a result, I am actually doing most of the tasks that are on my marketing plan. My posts look professional and my messaging is consistent. Now, all I have to do is stay the course.

Projects to be completed

In addition to writing courses I want to share, I also have some unfinished books. There’s fiction about Jane, the birth mother I never met and non-fiction containing wisdom I’ve collected over the years in an attempt to make sense of some of the nonsense I’ve encountered both personally and professionally. There is also started a series of guided visualizations that I had hoped to turn into a podcast. I’m sure if I thumb through my file cabinet, there are other half finished projects that I’ve forgotten about.

When I picked completion as my word for 2022, I considered whether it would put too much pressure on me to complete something the wasn’t worth finishing. Sometimes there’s a good reason that first draft remains untouched. A few years ago, I threw away years of journals. Like many writers, I carried a notebook with me wherever I went and filled it with what I believed to be brilliant thoughts.  There might have been a few gems, but most of the content wasn’t worth saving. With absolutely no regret, I dumped at least thirty notebooks into the trash. Good riddance to….

Stream of Consciousness Writing

Needless to say, I haven’t stopped buying and filling notebooks. Jotting down ideas is a big part of my day. I blame it all on Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and her morning pages. For years, per her suggestion,  my morning routine consisted of coffee and stream of consciousness writing as a form of meditation.  It was an excellent way to tap into my subconscious to find inspiration and to solve problems. It’s amazing what lies beneath the surface of our conscious mind–if we just give it a voice and stop long enough to listen.

If you like the idea of picking a word for the year that might help you focus and accomplish a goal, it’s s not too late. You might already know what that word needs to be, or you might want to use a word for the year generator. created by comedian Jen Fulwiler. Her generator randomly picks a word for you–and you can keep picking until you get the one that inspires you.  I just gave Jen’s generator a try and my word is SLOW. Yes, it speaks to me. I’m always reminding myself to slow down and take my time.

What’s your word for 2022?

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Resistance and Fear – Outsmarting the Beast

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If there is one thing we all need to overcome it’s resistance. I’m NOT talking about ohms– the opposition to current flow in an electrical circuit.  The type of resistance I’m talking about is the one we suffer from when we procrastinate or put off tasks that are essential to our creative or personal growth.  Of course, what we resist persists–unless we do something to change the status quo. There is always a reason for our hesitancy or reluctance.  The challenge is getting to the source of our discomfort to see what we can do to calm the beast that’s preventing us from moving forward. Sometimes, there is a good reason we refuse to change, but most of the time, it comes down to fear of the unknown and false expectations about what we perceive the future holds.

FEAR

No one likes to admit that we’re afraid, but if we look closely at our resistance, fear in any of it’s disguises is usually the source.  Anxiety, angst, dread, panic, self-judgment–what ever you call it, fear is the epicenter of our unwillingness to move forward. Here are some of the unconscious beliefs harbored by the little monster called fear. I’m not good, smart, clever enough. People will make fun of me if…There’s not enough time to…Other people are better at… You get the idea. The truth is, our subconscious programming is alive and well sabotaging our efforts and preventing us from moving forward. How it plays out in life is different for everyone.

For example, it took me years to begin writing my adoption memoir. I was so afraid that my story wasn’t compelling enough, that I wasn’t a good enough writer, that I would never find a publisher.  Then, one day, it occurred to me that I could just write the memoir for myself. I could write my story for my eyes only. Instead of putting undo pressure on myself to live up to a lofty expectation, I could write a little every day and see where it went.  I could take a writing workshop and get feedback on my work. I could fill in gaps in my knowledge by reading books about writing fiction. Eventually, I built up enough confidence to share my writing with other writers and the smartest thing I did was work with an editor. Step-by-step, I overcame resistance and self published my book.

Self publication led to book marketing and new options for resistance opened up. Book in hand, there were new fears and challenges to overcome.  But here’s the thing — knowing that resistance is inevitable makes it manageable because even thought the monster looks different, it’s always the same–fear. What if I couldn’t sell the 3,000 books I ordered? What marketing strategies among thousands would work? Would my book tour be successful?  I was afraid of failing and I was also afraid of success. My book was raw and I felt vulnerable, afraid I’d told too much of the story, afraid I was too honest. I also didn’t have a clue about book marketing and my fear of failure was very real.

THE SOLUTION

I knew I was dealing with the monster of fear who manifested as resistance and procrastination. That monster would always be lurking in the shadows. So, I decided it was time to come up with a strategy for taming the beast once and for all. Turns out, resistance is strongest when there is a lot to gain or lose, but it dissipates and practically disappears when what needs to be done is broken into a tiny task, the smaller the better. So, I started limiting my tasks. Today I will email two adoption agencies and tell them about my book. Or, today I will introduce myself and my book to one local bookstore.  One or two tasks at a time became three or four and eventually I was able to spend half the day on marketing. Eventually, I sold all 3000 books and I kept fear at bay.

That was twelve years ago. Since then I’ve encountered resistance multiple times. It’s always about some sort of fear–real or imagined. In every instance, the solution is the same: break the task down into tiny puzzle pieces and move forward one little piece at a time. The next time the dynamic duo, resistance and fear, turn up for you, take a moment to consider your options. First, ask yourself, What am I resisting? Then, identify the fear. If it’s not justified, move forward.  Finally, take one tiny action.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.

Neuroscience: Maintaining Balance in an Unpredictable World

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Maintaining Balance in an Unpredictable World

Life is full of ups and downs, pleasure and pain, joy and frustration. Most of us pursue the good feelings and good times and run from the opposite. We do everything in our power to avoid pain and suffering. Sometimes our actions provide short-term relief. Other times we find ourselves back at the same old sand pit. What’s going on? Let’s look at neuroscience to see how the brain can help us maintain balance in an unpredictable world.

According to information in Buddha’s Brain – The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., the brain is hard wired to cling to negative experiences and is drawn to bad news. As a result, the brain over looks good news, highlights bad news and creates anxiety and pessimism. Without intervention, without cultivating awareness, running from the discomforts that are part of everyday life is futile. We say we want to experience more freedom, joy and happiness in our lives, but most of us don’t know how to create it. Our brain’s wiring makes it worse. Instead of helping us be all we can be, our brain clings to limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in the past.

The Brain

The brain is wired for safety and security and the avoidance of risk-taking. This started when survival depended on outrunning tigers. To help us survive the brain tries to find and maintain fixed patterns that occur in an ever-changing world. As a result, the brain wants to maintain the status quo–what it knows and understands. That’s why the good feelings associated with a new job or a raise, an opportunity to collaborate with someone we hold in high regard, or the publication of a book doesn’t last long. This is also why we keep experiencing the same bad relationships.

Think about the last time something wonderful happened to you. An engagement or marriage, the birth of a baby, buying a new home, or a promotion. Recall how happy and excited you were. Now, recall how long those good feelings lasted or to be more accurate, how quickly it took for those good feelings to fade.  Just because the brain is wired to return to a less than joyful state, doesn’t mean you have to go there.

Hanson’s Research

Hanson’s research on the brain provides an array of options for reaching happier state of mind instead of feeling driven, rattled, stressed, irritated, anxious or blue. These include relaxation, diaphragm breathing, progressive relaxation, big exhalation, touching the lips, yoga, imagery, balancing your heartbeat and meditation.

To feel safer and “control the hardwired tendency to look for and overreact to threats,” in addition to relaxation and imagery, Hanson recommends connecting with people who support you, bringing mindfulness to fear, evoking inner protectors, and being realistic–generally nothing is as bad as we imagine. His final recommendation is finding refuge– “anyone or anything that provides reliable sanctuary and protection so you can let down your guard and gather strength and wisdom.”

Finding Refuge

Many people find refuge in nature. Camping, hiking, walking outdoors is a great way to recharge. As often as possible I take my golden retriever for a walk along a woodsy canal near my home. No matter what problems I’m experiencing or troubling thoughts I’m carrying with me, a walk in nature always helps. Writing is also a source of refuge for me. I spend the first 15-30 minutes of each morning writing in a journal–recording dreams, setting my intention for the day, unloading thoughts and ideas. When the pandemic first began and we were required to stay at home, writing helped me remain calm and weather the unknown storm.

Exercise, relaxation, and meditation are also sources of refuge for me. Currently, I’m following ab, arm, and leg routines by Sarah Rector on DailyOM. If you’re not familiar with DailyOM check it out. They offer a variety of life-changing courses like Chair Yoga for Healing and 4 Min Metabolism Booster–at pay what you can prices. For guided meditation, I go to InsightTimer. Otherwise, after exercise I sit on my mat and follow my breath for a minimum of 5 minutes, sometimes more.

In an unpredictable world, the brain can be a powerful ally. You simply need to understand how to use it to maintain balance and enjoy life more.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net

 

Habits of Successful People

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Habits — the good, the bad and the ugly. The goal is to develop good ones, but that’s not always easy. Obstacles often abound making it difficult to reach your objective. Many times,  the things that trip us up and stop us dead in our tracks are often of our own making. Fear, perfection, ego, avoidance, hopelessness, apathy, comparing yourself to others–the list goes on and on.

Generally, obstacles come from the unconscious programming we received as children and never bothered to rethink and repair. Voices of former teachers who lacked faith in our abilities, critical parents, teasing by older siblings. The little jabs and digs add up until we lose faith in our abilities and in ourselves. Feeling worthless or less than, we let go of dreams and aspirations and settle for good enough. We stop believing that our goals are attainable. Bitching and complaining, we stay in dead-end jobs and remain in unfulfilling relationships. If this goes on long enough, we simply give up. Negative beliefs and bad habits can be reversed.

You can rewire your brain and overcome hurdles.

Fortunately, it’s possible to reprogram the brain to overcome the hurdles that prevent us from achieving our goals. It doesn’t take years of therapy to become a highly successful person. We’ve come a long way since 1987 when Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People was published. The field of neuroscience provides an array of solutions for overcoming habits and behaviors that no longer serve us.  This field includes any or all of the sciences that deal with the structure or function of the nervous system and brain. As a result of research in these fields, rewiring the brain for better results–including optimal health and wellness–has become a popular pursuit.  Books on the topic abound. and so do free audio recordings. Just Google, “reprogram the brain” or “rewire the brain.”  There are also many experts in the rewire field such as Dr. Joe Dispenza and Dr. Bruce Lipton.

Strategies to change your thinking abound.

Clinical Hypnosis, Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping), Gratitude daily practice, Inner Child Work, Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), and Psych K , to name a few.

My journey began with hypnosis. It was the mid-80s and out of many candidates, I was selected to be the writer/producer for a large Bay Area corporation. I’d just completed my master’s degree and student loans were coming due. This job was a lifesaver, but here was one problem. The company had a no smoking policy, and I had a pack-a-day habit.  To make matters worse, most of my smoking occurred as a precursor to a writing assignment. Cigarette smoke was my muse. At the time, I had been videotaping hypnosis training workshops where I saw first-hand the power of this therapeutic technique.  I called the psychologist in charge. If anyone could help me, it would be him. Two sessions did the trick. A week later, I was smoke free and I never smoked again.

Trick the subconscious mind to make life better.

That experience launched my mission to discover other ways to trick my subconscious into making my life better. My bag of tricks includes affirmations, breath work, exercise, laughter, relaxation, meditation, music, self-hypnosis and visualization.  A little NLP and gratitude is also part of the mix. For example, whenever I need to write anything I stretch and get into a relaxed state of mind. Then, I picture my ideal outcome and imagine myself writing quickly and with ease.  Before I start typing, I tell my subconscious what I need: you have forty minutes to complete this blog post. If I’m not in a great mood I might do some laughter yoga–yes, it’s a thing or add items to my gratitude journal.

Check out Mel Robbins, The 5 Second Rule.

Most recently I discovered Mel Robbins book, The 5 Second Rule. Robbins says, “The 5-second rule is simple. If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it. …. Hesitation is the kiss of death. You might hesitate for a just nanosecond, but that’s all it takes.” The trick is to count backwards: 5-4-3-2-1 and then act.  This past week I’ve used the rule to not have a second glass of wine, not eat dessert, not binge watch Chicago Med.  I’ve also used the rule to make progress on my seemingly endless to do list.  Thank you, Mel!

It’s unrealistic to think that life will always go as planned, but there’s no reason to let obstacles real and imagined thwart our progress. An abundance of tools are available to help you rewire your brain to become happier, healthier and more productive.

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Jan Fishler is the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself (an adoption memoir), Don’t Stop Now: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life, Flex Your Writing Muscle (365 Writing Prompts), and  PTSD: Lessons From Vietnam. She is a motivational speaker who also teaches writing classes online. More about Jan at www.JanFishler.net.