JanFishler

Author ~ Happiness Coach

Writing Prompt: Write About Something That Annoys You

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Writing prompts can be an ideal way to jump-start the 5-minute writing process, which is why I’m going to provide one each time I post. Today’s prompt is: write about something that annoys you. Sometimes the things that bug us can eventually be the source of humor. When you can’t see the humor in the situation or you can’t yet make sense of it, writing is an excellent way to process our feelings.

Dance Class Bullies

For me the issue is the women at my aerobic dance class who believe they are entitled to a certain spot on the floor.  These dance class bullies arrive late, and instead of taking a place that is available, usually in the back of the room, they go exactly where they want to be–regardless of who is standing there. Because most of the women are too nice to stand their ground, they defer. I’ve been watching this for years, and thought I was prepared to handle the situation– stand my ground and not succumb if it ever happened to me.  I’d even mentally rehearsed a sassy comeback, “Oh, I didn’t realize you could reserve a spot on the floor! Do you pay extra for that?”

Last week I had an opportunity to put my plan into action. Generally, I arrive a few minutes before class begins and although I prefer to stand in the second row, just left of center, I’m flexible.  On this particular day, I arrived early enough to grab my most coveted place. While waiting for the class to begin I did a few stretches, smiled at a few of the regulars–women I’ve been dancing with off and on for the past 10 years–and waited for the music to begin. A few moments into the first song, I felt cold hands on my shoulders and heard a voice whisper in my ear, “Chris isn’t here today. Move up so I can stand in your spot.” At the same time, this woman gave me a little shove toward the empty place. My response was visceral. As the fight or flight response kicked in, adrenalin began to flow. Who are you to tell me what to do you little bitch? How dare you!  My rebellious teenage self kicked in, but she wasn’t able to talk. Instead, she moved to the other side of the room where she fumed through the entire workout.

Halfway through the class the bitch apologized.  But the reality is, she got my spot. I too had become a victim of a dance class bully.  All the preparation in the world didn’t save me.  What’s worse, I’ve avoided standing near this woman ever since. Because I believe that experiences like this–that trigger our emotions–are messages in disguise, I’ve been searching for the lesson here. The truth is, I’m still working on it. The situation caught me by surprise and trigger a negative response. By pushing me and telling me what to do, the dance class bully treated me like a child. Emotionally, I reacted like, but fortunately, I was able to contain myself and not say anything I would later regret. I think I got the message, but I’ll know for sure when I can stand by the bully and not let her presence annoy me.

What annoys you?  If you follow this writing prompt, I invite you to post it in the comment section.

 

Eliminate the Judge

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Guided Imagery is a powerful technique that is used to enhance health, performance, and creativity. It is also used to help people reframe and overcome difficult or negative experiences. The effectiveness of this guided imagery has been well documented. Research shows that as little as 10 minutes of imagery can “can reduce blood pressure, lower cholesterol and glucose levels in the blood, and heighten short- term immune cell activity. It can considerably reduce blood loss during surgery and morphine use after it. It lessens headaches and pain. It can increase skill at skiing, skating, tennis, writing, acting and singing; it accelerates weight loss and reduces anxiety; and it has been shown, again and again, to reduce the aversive effects of chemotherapy, especially nausea, depression and fatigue.”

For those of us who are still tormented by judgments that were dumped on us as children, guided imagery can be a useful tool for exercising those demons.  To listen to a guided visualization that will help you eliminate judgment from your life.

My Blog Content: 100 Writing Tips & Prompts

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My Blog Content: 100 Writing Tips & Prompts

I finally got clear: from this point on, my blog content will focus on writing tips and prompts and anything else that will help new and experienced writers enjoy the process and stay on the path.

I spent the last part of 2012 launching my new business, doing everything people do to get started–from planning to developing a website, and everything in between. So far, my blog content  has meandered covering everything from SEO and getting organized to eBook publishing and social media planning. It occurred to me that it would benefit me and my readers if I had a focus that supported my work as an author, writing coach, and developer of the Write YOUR Story workshop.

My half day workshops are designed for people who think they can’t write, who don’t believe they have time to write, or don’t know how to begin, but who want to record a legacy, share an amazing experience, heal a painful memory, or write for fun and enjoyment.In addition to the workshop, what information could I provide that would be helpful and motivational?

Every time I asked myself this question, the answer was: writing tips and prompts. Tomorrow, I’m meeting with my graphic designer,  to finish up a pdf, “100 Writing Tips & Prompts To Keep You on the Writing Path,”  that will be my gift to blog subscribers. The tips and prompts come from my own experience and from classes and workshops I’ve attended as well as from such classics as The Elements of Style. All of the prompts are short and to the point.

Experienced writers might want to read through the entire list in one sitting and use the tips as a refresher. New or newer writers might want to spend a day or more on each tip, taking time to digest the information, perhaps even doing additional research on your own.

Regardless of whether you’re writing in a journal, posting to your blog, writing poems and short stories, or working on the great American novel, the idea is to enjoy the writing process as you improve your skills. After all, writing is a craft and, like anything, the more time you put in, the better you are likely to get.

I’ll say it again, from this point on, my blog content will focus on writing tips and prompts and anything else that will help new and experienced writers enjoy the process and stay on the path.

The Next Big Thing

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The Next Big Thing

My thanks to Ron Cherry for inviting me to be a part of this week’s The Next Big Thing blog posting group.

The Next Big Thing is a meme that is creating an ever growing wave through the blogs of authors who write in a variety of genres, with each participant answering the same questions about either a work in progress or a work currently being marketed.  Each author then chooses five other authors to keep the chain going.  The following is my contribution:

1. What is the title of your book?
The title of my book is Searching for Jane, Finding Myself. It’s an adoption memoir.

2. How did you come by the idea?
I always knew I was adopted, but I had no information about my birth mother other than the lie that she had died during childbirth. When I was forty, I decided it was time to search. Whenever I told someone my story, the response was either, “Oh my God, you should write a book about it!”, or “Oh my God, you should be on Oprah.” Finally, I did.

3. What genre does your book fall under?
Memoir. It’s a look inside the heart and soul of my adoption—how being adopted affected me growing up and my perspective as an adult—one who is not only older, but also wiser.

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters if it were a movie?
I always saw Jamie Lee Curtis playing the lead. When my hair was short I was often told I looked like her. Because of the resemblance, I thought mistakenly that Janet Lee was my birth mother. Also, Jamie Lee Curtis has adopted children of her own, so I imagined she would have an interest in the movie.

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Searching for Jane, Finding Myself inspires us to find the truth, however difficult and fearsome the search may be.

6. Will your book be self-published or traditional?
Tin Cat Media, is my small, independent publishing company.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
I wrote the manuscript in my head for about 7 years. When I finally sat down to write, it took about three months.

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
There are several memoirs on the topic of adoption. Most are about adopting children from other countries. Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited is a compelling read. I also thought Found A Memoir and Mamalita, An Adoption Memoir were captivating adoption stories

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Friends and family inspired me to write this book. Anyone who ever talked to me about adoption know how important it was for me to discover the truth—whatever it might have been. I wasn’t looking for a relationship with my birth mother, I just wanted to know who she was, more important, who I was. My ethnic background, my religion, where my ancestors came from—the things everyone else takes for granted.

10. What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Readers who enjoy good human interest stories will enjoy my book.  It’s an easy read and an honest expose about what it feels like to be an adopted child. If you’re not adopted it’s a peek into mind and heart of an adoptee. If you’re part of the adoption triad, it’s confirmation about your own feelings.

The four authors I’ve chosen to continue the chain on or about December 24rd are…
Tony Richards:  http://raineslanding.blogspot.co.uk
Delinda McCann: http://delindalmccann.weebly.com/blog.html
J. A. Vasquez:  http://www.BooksThatSow.com
Ron Cherry: http://www.rlcherry.com
…but don’t wait that long to visit these interesting blogs of 4 very different writers.

Copyright © 2012, Jan Fishler
—
Jan Fishler
Author ~ Writing Coach ~ Presenter
Speak Your Truth, Write Your Story
www.janfishler.net
Phone: 530-264-5105

 

 

 

Celebrating Winter Solstice: Inviting Change

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In my community several end of world and Winter Solstice celebrations are planned. While the physical world is still here, many people believe that December 21, 2012 is a time to put an end to things that no longer serve us. At the top of my list are people who drain my energy, unhealthy foods and the drinks that go along with them, and worrying about things I can’t change. Winter Solstice — the darkest day of the year — is a good time to meditate on small changes you can make to improve the quality of your life. Just yesterday my daughter suggested we rethink various holiday celebrations and celebrate the seasons instead. I think she’s on to something. Instead of focusing on consumer spending, what Christmas has become for most of us, let’s give ourselves the gift of becoming better people and sharing that gift with others. Imagine how the next year would be if you stopped one destructive habit or eliminated one negative or limiting belief. What if the New Year’s resolutions you never keep, actually stuck? What if you took the time to really contemplate the change and visualize in bold detail how life would be for yourself and those around you if you succeeded. The reason most of us can’t keep our New Year’s resolutions is that we just give them lip service and don’t spend time imagining, feeling, experiencing the benefits we will ultimately receive — before they occur. It’s so easy to want to lose 10 pounds, make more money, vow to improve our relationships, be happier, but actual change requires planning and follow through. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a holiday that supports self growth and the god-like qualities within us? Imagine what the world would be like if we all worked toward Mahatma Gandi’s suggestion to:

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Writing to Heal

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When events like those in Connecticut occur, writing to heal may be a way to overcome trauma. The tragic events at Sandy Hook Elementary School has been sobering and very sad. I can’t imagine how parents of the fallen children will ever make sense of the devastation. It’s one thing to be at war and suffer loss and quite another to have violence come knocking at your front door. For the past several years, I’ve written articles about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for VietNow National Magazine. I know how difficult it is for combat veterans to overcome the trauma brought about by war. In spite of receiving therapy and taking medication, many vets still have recurring nightmares, sleepless nights, anger issues, and other PTSD symptoms. Healing from trauma, while possible, can be difficult.

In preparation for an upcoming article, I did some research about writing to heal. I knew healing occurred when I wrote my adoption memoir, Searching for Jane, Finding Myself, but I wanted to understand more about how this actually worked. Did the mere act of writing my story help put my abandonment issues to rest or was it something else? Could writing help veterans cope with and eventually recover from PTSD? Can writing help heal diseases like AIDS and Cancer?  Eventually, can writing help the parents, siblings, and friends of the  Sandy Hook Elementary School victims make sense of and recover from the senseless and tragic event that took the lives of the 26 victims?

As a result of my research, I believe there is hope. Here are some interesting facts about writing to heal:

  •  Excessive holding back of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, can place people at risk for both major and minor diseases.
  • The more people described positive emotions in their writing, the more likely they were to be healthier afterward.
  • Writing appears to benefit the immune system.
  • Writing helps patients get better, and also keeps them from getting worse.
  • Just telling a story over and over in the same way won’t make people better. There has to be growth or change in the way they view their experiences.
  • The greatest health benefits of writing occur when we write a story with structure, causal explanation, repetition of themes, a balanced narrative, and awareness of a listener’s perspective.
  • Writing gives you the chance to take a memory that might be stuck in the back of the mind, make it physical and shape it so that eventually you understand that it’s a memory and it can’t hurt you anymore.
  • Authentic writing and self-discovery is a form of prayer.

If the topic of writing to heal is of interest, you might want to read some books on the subject. Here are a few to get you started:

Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions by James W. Pennebaker PhD
Writing to Heal: A Guided Journal for Recovering from Trauma & Emotional Upheaval by James W. Pennebaker
Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives by Louise A. DeSalvoWriting to Heal. Change your life through stories (The Pathway to Self) by Jacqui Malpass.

 

 

My To Do List

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My To Do List

I’m a list maker. That doesn’t mean I actually refer to them or can find them when I need them, but simply making the to do list is what’s important to me. It gets the thought out of my head and lets me move on to something else. For example, yesterday I made a to do list of what still needs to be completed to get my website where I want it to be. This list includes writers I want to interview about the craft and interviews I want to conduct with experts in the field of relaxation and right-brain thinking. Before I can start the interviews, I need to make sure I have the right software for the job. My primary lists often contain sub-lists, and for very complicated items, there are tasks under that! The lists I constructed yesterday will easily take me through the first quarter of 2013 and beyond. Yesterday’s list-making also included a list of topics I want to blog about, things I’ll post on my Write Your Story Facebook page, the projects I need to complete, and the sub-list associated with each of these. Finally, there’s the grocery list, which is the one I never can seem to find when I’m at the store. Keeping track of my to do lists can be a problem. In the past I’ve written the lists on paper sticky notes which I then posted on the frame of my computer monitor. It was a good idea until I ran out of room. Currently, I have my lists in one spiral notebook. My son suggested I just type my to do lists into my smart phone, so I added “try using smart phone for list-making” to the bottom of my to do list.

Anyone else addicted to making lists? What system do you use?

Do You Have A Writing Ritual

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Do You Have a Writing Ritual?

As defined by dictionary.com, ritual is “an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.” It’s no wonder that many writers create and follow a writing ritual, a prescribed procedure for jump starting their daily process. Daily that is unless it’s interrupted by vacations, a holiday season, sick parents or kids, or a lost dog—just to name a few reasons some of us veer off the path now and then.

My writing ritual varies depending on the seasons. This post is about my Winter Writing Ritual. Generally, I wake up around 6:00 a.m. It’s still dark and the house is cold. The cat is hungry. The dog needs to go out. I need a cup of coffee. My winter ritual involves letting the dog out while I get some wood to throw into the fireplace, picking up the cat’s bowl from the bathroom, (Why the bathroom?  That will be the topic of another post) trotting into the kitchen to fill and return it then heading to the kitchen to grind the beans and start the coffee.

While the coffee is brewing, I check the fireplace to be sure the new logs have caught. I then grab a jacket and go outside to get the paper. The Union is a small paper and before I drink my coffee I read the obituaries and the police blotter. Because I live in an area where people come to retire, most of the obits are elderly folks who have lived long, robust lives. Occasionally, there is someone younger who went to school with one of my kids, or someone I know. While I wait for the smell of coffee to waft through the kitchen, I read my favorite section of the paper, the “police blotter,” because it’s generally ridiculous and subsequently hilarious. One day, when I have nothing to say, I’ll transcribe and post the must-read column.

By now the cat is meowing to come in, the dog, done with her business, is waiting at the door, and the coffeemaker is hiss, the signal my brain needs to shift into writing mode. I get my cup from the cupboard, pour too much real, organic cream into the bottom of the cup, give it a quick stir, and head to my office.

As I enjoy the aroma and my first sip, I wait for the topic of that day’s five minute writing post to come to me. A few sips later I have it. If you have a writing ritual, I invite you to share it. If you don’t, you might want to create one.

Social Media Planning

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In shifting my focus from promoting my adoption memoir to marketing my Write YOUR Story workshops, I’ve realized that I need to pay more attention to social media and social media planning. Last night I did a little reading on the subject and this morning I began updating some of my profiles. It’s one thing to post messages and photos to family and friends on my personal Facebook page and quite another to use it for business. Unfortunately, the more I read about social media planning, the more confused I become. My goal this weekend is to obtain answers to many of my social media questions:

  • Which social media should I use to reach my target audience?
  • How exactly am I going to use Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linkedin, and various other social media sites?
  • How much time should I spend on social media each day, week, or month?
  • What else should I be doing to let people know about the services I offer?
  • What other questions should I be asking?
  • Who are the social media experts I should be following?

If I’m not careful, questions like these can easily lead me to a state of overwhelm. When it comes to social media and social media planning, it seems like there is always more to learn and always more to do, which makes me wonder if it’s even possible to stay ahead of the Social Media curve. Perhaps a more realistic goal is to do what I can.

Now that my website is up and running, it is definitely time to let people know about my services. There is no doubt about it, social media marketing is a proven and effective strategy for directing website traffic. My mission is to embrace this reality and figure out a way to make it work.